it'll be incoherent and random, but i'll understand
i'm at a point where i don't understand. i feel like there's something wrong with me, when i know perfectly well there isn't. maybe i'm wrong though. would someone like to set the record straight for me?
i can't seem to find a sense of purpose in my life as of this moment. doesn't mean there isn't one, just dunno what it is. maybe it'll hit me soon. i need to figure out my life. get my shit together.
i lost a friend today because i did something right. he made it out that i was at fault though. doesn't seem right, does it? i wonder if he'll ever come to forgive me for something that he knows in his heart shouldn't have been made into as huge of a deal as it was. you tell me i love drama? i'll tell you straight up i don't. i HATE conflict. i wasn't called the gentle giant for no reason when i was younger (fyi i didn't like that nickname).
it seems to me that i'm gonna end up being alone forever. i can easily find a guy to ask "hey wanna hook up?" but NEVER "wanna go out sometime?" i'm seriously gonna end up being a fucking cat lady, but instead of cats i'm gonna have ferrets or turtles or hedgehogs or something (i don't like cats). i wonder how many other people out there feel or have felt the way i do now. some may say you're young, you don't know what you want. but i honestly know that i would like someone to call my own. the people i do find are douches or end up ultimately wanting something i don't feel they've earned aka sex. i guess i can try to hold out and keep telling myself there's someone out there for me, but it doesn't feel like it. not at all. i always have such high hopes for guys, that i get increasingly more attached to them each one because i want them to be it. you'd think it'd be the opposite because of all the letdowns i've had, but i don't know. i don't seem to work that way. trust me... i really wish i did.
so quite the rant (although i know i'm capable of more), but maybe i won't have as many pent up things i wanna say so i can stick to just one subject.
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